mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm at about main and main street
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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