What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
