Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
