He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
