my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
