trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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