i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
