i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
