She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
