Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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