I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Randomize
