I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
