She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
