whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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