Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
