It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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