I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
a search helicopter?!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
