The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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