what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
