ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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