Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
