I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
