people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
