i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
