can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
