haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Vodka?
Forever.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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