dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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