She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
