Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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