Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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