Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
