Heybabeimwearingurpanties
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
