I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
