Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
