forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
3pm strippers are depressing
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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