When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
