In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
