Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
