he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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