You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
