i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
