Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
