And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
