I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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