He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So many bounce houses so little time
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
