I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
