Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
