Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
