I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
