I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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