He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
