Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
