even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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