About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
